CANBERRA — The Federal Government has dismissed growing speculation that Australia’s early-summer fly explosion has anything to do with the recent surge of Indian migrants, French tourists, or the early arrival of the Barmy Army, who locals say “haven’t discovered soap since the Ashes of ’97.”
A government spokesperson said any attempt to link the fly spike with new arrivals was “unscientific and deeply unhelpful,” insisting the outbreak was instead caused by “natural climate factors, and absolutely nothing else, so stop asking.”
Residents, however, say the timing is suspicious, with one Brisbane man claiming his backyard was “fine until the French tour buses showed up and a swarm followed them off the M1 like it was baggage claim.”
Immigration officials doubled down, stating flies “are not attracted to specific nationalities,” before adding that Australians making these connections are “engaging in dangerous, unofficial ecology.”
The government has promised a full review of the fly situation, just as soon as the Barmy Army leave the country — or at least shower.