Bellend Times

Government To Make Insulin Cheaper And Delivered Free With Every McDelivery Order

CANBERRA – Fresh off boasting about “cheaper medicines”, the Albanese government has
now promised that insulin will be bundled free with every fast-food delivery.

“Why bother encouraging Australians to walk, cook, or eat healthy when we can just spend
more taxpayer money whilst turning the population fat and stupid?” said the Health Minister,
balancing a McFlurry in one hand and an insulin pen in the other.
The announcement comes as taxpayers are already breaking their backs lifting obese body-
positivity influencers in TikTok challenges, with thousands now claiming workers’ comp for
spinal injuries. Meanwhile, the public health system is in such disarray that Australians still
fork out for private care even while paying for Medicare.
Critics have pointed out the irony that a few years ago, Australian of the Year was awarded to
an obesity advocate, cementing the nation’s shift from promoting healthy living to
subsidising snacks and syringes.
As one Canberra insider put it: “Spend, spend, spend—that’s the policy. Fries, milkshakes,
and insulin for all. Just don’t ask us about gyms, childcare, or housing affordability.”

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