Government Criticises Socialist Spitters For Not Spitting On Everyone, Equally

CANBERRA, ACT — After defending Socialist Party member Meredith Jacka’s decision to
spit on an elderly woman at the March for Australia rally, the Albanese Government has
floated a bold new solution: sending her on an “educational cultural exchange” to China
alongside Bob Carr and Dan Andrews.
According to government insiders, the trip will help Meredith “better refine her
redistribution skills in a society that truly values equality — where everyone is equally
terrified, equally censored, and equally broke.”
Former NSW Premier Bob Carr welcomed the idea, saying:
“China is the gold standard of fairness. If Meredith wants to learn how to spit properly, she’ll
need to study with the masters in Beijing, where public hocking is both art form and national
pastime.”
Ex-Victorian Premier Dan Andrews has also agreed to tag along, reportedly telling friends:
“I’ve already spent half my career over there anyway. Might as well cash in a few more
frequent flyer points.”
The ABC described the delegation as a “groundbreaking diplomatic mission,” though critics
quickly dubbed it “The Spit Tour of Beijing 2025.”
One Coalition MP quipped: “If Meredith wants to learn socialism, fine — ship her off with
Bob Carr and Dan Andrews. Just make sure it’s a one-way ticket.”
Meanwhile, ordinary Aussies couldn’t help but laugh. “Mate, she’ll fit right in,” said Dave
from Wagga. “In China, spitting in public is practically a sport. Only difference is, over there
they don’t pretend it’s about equality.”