CANBERRA — Anthony Albanese has promised to crack down on Muslim extremist migration, pledging to reduce it by “three a day, at least until the end of the week,” in what he described as a “tough but fair” measure.
The PM reiterated his long-standing support for the Jewish people, before breaking into laughter mid-sentence. According to insiders, he had attempted to rehearse the line with a straight face earlier in the day but was unable to keep it together.
Meanwhile, ABC journalists have taken a rare day off from blaming Israel. Staff have agreed to suspend wearing their kaffiyehs until next week.
The Greens have quickly returned to preaching the benefits of Chinese-made solar panels, but have promised to be back at the Australia march this Sunday — this time in balaclavas and with freshly ironed swastikas.
Jewish authorities formally thanked Albo for expelling the Iranian ambassador, before also dissolving into laughter. “We tried to rehearse keeping a straight face, but it just wasn’t possible,” one community leader admitted.
With the federal government finally listing the Iranian regime as a terrorist organisation, the silent majority responded simply: “No shit, Sherbanese — we’ve been telling you that since October 7.”
Australian Iranians are also celebrating the move. “Why the fuck do you think we are here! My daughter just got high fived for wearing a swans beanie. In Iran she would have got shot at for not wearing a headscarf”
Will this finally be a wake up call to going back to social cohesion and being those chilled out, sun loving Aussie’s the world knows us for?….let’s hope so.