LINCOLNSHIRE — 100-year-old World War II veteran Arthur Pritchard spent his morning in quiet defiance today, setting out a tray of freshly baked gingernut biscuits and a pot of Yorkshire Tea — “for when the Hate Speech lads pop ’round.”
The decorated veteran, who once risked his life defending Britain from fascism, is now bracing for another kind of invasion — this time from local authorities investigating his “dangerous” online comment that “things were better when people had manners.”
“I thought they’d like a biscuit,” said Arthur, polishing his medals. “They’re only following orders, poor buggers.”
Neighbours report Arthur has been in “good spirits,” despite receiving several online warnings from people half his age explaining that freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom from consequences.
“Arthur’s seen a lot in his time — Normandy, Dunkirk, and now Twitter,” said one friend. “He says the Nazis were easier to reason with.”
A police spokesperson neither confirmed nor denied the planned visit but reminded citizens that “hate has no place in modern Britain,” before refusing to define what “hate” means.
As of press time, Arthur was said to be calmly steeping another pot of tea and practising his “yes officer, no officer” routine, while wondering aloud if this was what they meant by fighting for a free country