ABC Movie Critic Fired For ‘Right Wing Extremist’ Views After Giving Pauline Hanson Movie 5 Stars

The ABC was thrown into immediate panic mode last night after movie reviewer Zak Hepburn calmly read out five stars for a Pauline Hanson movie, an act executives later described as “reckless, dangerous and completely lacking in context apologies.”
According to insiders, alarms were raised the moment the fifth star appeared on screen, with senior staff urgently asking whether Hepburn had been hacked, radicalised, or simply forgotten where he worked. Within minutes he was pulled aside, issued a statement clarifying that he now hates the movie, and confirmed that his enjoyment was “unintentional and no longer ongoing.”
In an effort to demonstrate growth, Hepburn then appeared in a follow-up segment enthusiastically awarding five stars to TikToks of Anthony Albanese dancing, praising them as “brave”, “important” and “Australia at its best.” Sources say this was considered a strong first step toward rehabilitation.
However, ABC management confirmed that if Hepburn wants his job back, he’ll need to become a minority, with HR suggesting several options including gay, trans, non-binary or “still exploring.” Until then, he remains off air, reflecting on how liking the wrong movie briefly turned him into a right-wing extremist.