Prime Minister Anthony Albanese’s third attempt at looking busy in the Pacific has backfired spectacularly after every Papua New Guinean reporter was left standing outside his Port Moresby press conference reportedly at the polite insistence of members of the Chinese Communist Party.
Witnesses say the CCP handlers barred PNG media from entering so that Beijing could frame Albanese as “having a go,” while China quietly signs the actual deals with both PNG and Vanuatu behind closed doors. “It’s important the world sees Albo trying really hard,” one CCP official said, “because it makes our own contracts look even more professional.”
When asked why local reporters were locked out, Albanese’s response was a masterclass in mop-top theatre: “I don’t know what you’re talking about, mate.” Despite the wooden delivery, critics praised the PM’s performance, suggesting his portrayal of clueless denial was so convincing it could earn him an Emmy. After all, the moral decay of the modern Left seems to win awards regardless of acting talent.
Analysts believe the saga cements Australia’s new Pacific strategy: let China handle the deals, while Albo handles the photo ops preferably without any pesky local journalists asking awkward questions.