Labor and the Coalition have put decades of hatred aside to focus on what really matters: stopping One Nation before voters get any more ideas.
The sudden unity comes as polls show One Nation surging, closing in on Labor and overtaking the Coalition in some surveys — the first time in history the two-party system has faced a genuine third-party threat. Insiders say the numbers caused “immediate panic” and “record-breaking bipartisanship”.
Talks are reportedly moving fast, with both major parties agreeing that when voters stop listening, the problem clearly isn’t policy — it’s the voters. One source said the “hate group” label would save time by removing the need to debate ideas altogether.
Prime Minister Anthony Albanese, known to critics as “Temu Trotsky,” is said to view the moment as a breakthrough for message control. With media already largely aligned, Labor is allegedly floating the idea of replacing all six free-to-air TV channels with a single, expanded ABC “to reduce electoral confusion”.
Government figures insist the move has nothing to do with fear and everything to do with “protecting democracy” from parties that gain support without permission.
At press time, Labor and the Coalition confirmed the talks were calm, responsible, and definitely not driven by terror at the polls.