In a stunning breakthrough in government-funded self-diagnosis, the PM has reportedly secured an NDIS payout after deciding his chronic inability to look his wife in the eye is “obviously autism.”
While official ABS data puts autism in Aussie kids far lower, the PM is said to be leaning on the fashionable “1 in 6 children have autism” line — because if everyone else is getting on the NDIS, why not him?
Insiders say his “Spotify Wrapped–level behaviour of an angsty teenage girl” also helped sway the decision, proving once and for all that moodiness can now be classified as a developmental condition if you try hard enough.
The PM, who’s lived on taxpayer money his whole career, reportedly sees the NDIS as the natural next step: “Why stop now?”
Sources close to him say the diagnosis also helpfully “explains” his obsession with planes and flying, which he now claims is a special interest, not a midlife crisis.
NDIS officials declined to comment, mostly because they’re busy processing 200,000 new self-diagnoses submitted over lunch.