RFK Jr has claimed that microplastics are responsible for the new Barbie doll’s autism. “These tiny bits of plastic are everywhere — in our water, toothpaste, even the air — and now they’ve ruined Barbie’s social skills forever,” he said while holding a sparkling pink figure.
This follows his warnings that paracetamol during pregnancy is dangerous. If microplastics can affect dolls, there is little hope for the next generation. “Every new baby is basically on the spectrum now. It’s hard to deny,” he added.
Federal MP Anika Wells has declared herself the official carer of her new autistic Barbie doll and is filing NDIS claims on its behalf. Barbie’s Dream House has been fully replaced with Central Train Station, complete with platforms, ticket gates, and escalators, reflecting her obsession with trains and punctuality.
Scientists say there is no evidence linking microplastics to autism, but parents and politicians are taking no chances. Barbie boards her tiny commuter train each morning, NDIS paperwork in hand, while Australians watch the absurd new reality unfold.