In the most on-brand move since banning playgrounds and building a shrine to himself, Dictator Dan has reportedly slipped back into Australia disguised as an ISiS bride.
“Returning as a terrorist is less controversial than coming back as yourself,” Albo probably muttered while before asking what he found out about organ transplants.
Posing for selfies with X i, Putin, and Kim Jong-un like it was a UN Grinder date — Dan’s clearly found his people: strongmen with no opposition, no press freedom, and very large statues of themselves.
Just weeks ago he was spotted having a “quiet catch-up” with Albo, which now looks more like a handover briefing: “Tell X i we’ll take the cash, and don’t worry about the protests — I’ve trained them out of that.”
Back in Melbourne, carjackings are through the roof, gangs run wild, and the CBD’s best feature is a petition to stop Dan’s bronze tribute to himself — which Labor proudly ignored. Because what’s 12,000 signatures when you’ve already ruled by decree?
Whilst Aussie’s tempers boil, Jacinta Allan applauded Dan’s China jaunt as “good for Victoria,” which is code for “Y’all Fucked”.
And the disguise? Brilliant, really. Because if there’s one demographic this government never says no to, it’s returning ji had ist brides.
Dan’s not hiding — he’s adapting.
Statues, spies, and authoritarianism — Dan’s legacy is secure.
The man doesn’t just dodge accountability — he changes clothes mid-flight and walks straight back into the chaos he helped create.