Australia’s Most Trusted Source Of Unreliable News
WEAR THE TRUTH
Support Australia's most trusted source of unreliable news. One gloriously unhinged product at a time.
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Find the product that speaks to your deep-seated need to wear satire in public.
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The Full Collection
Bellend Times Classic Tee (Black)
"The shirt that says I read the news, I just don't believe any of it. Worn by concerned citizens and unsupervised adults across Australia."
Bellend Times Classic Tee (White)
"For those who prefer their unreliable news reporting on a lighter background. Perfect for BBQs, court appearances and school pickups."
Bellend Times Premium Tee
"Heavier cotton. Better cut. The same questionable journalism. For the discerning reader who insists on quality even in their satirical apparel."
Bellend Times Trucker Hat (Black)
"Official headwear of people who've given up pretending mainstream media is credible. One size fits most heads, including very large ones."
Bellend Times Trucker Hat (Navy)
"Navy blue. Because even satirists have professional standards. Wear it to press conferences, parliament house or your mates' backyard cricket."
Bellend Times Trucker Hat (Orange)
"Loud, uncompromising, impossible to ignore. Just like our reporting. The orange hat for people who refuse to be subtle about their media choices."
Bellend Times Stubby Holder (Black)
"Keep your beverage cold while staying informed by unreliable sources. Pairs equally well with a cold beer and breaking satire."
Bellend Times Stubby Holder (Navy)
"The colour of trustworthy institutions and naval officers, neither of which has anything to do with us. Looks great on a cold beer."
Bellend Times Stubby Holder (Orange)
"Safety orange — because someone should be watching out for the truth. Highly visible at parties, protests and any gathering involving poor decisions."
Bellend Times Ashtray
"For those who enjoy satire with a side of existential contemplation. Perfect companion for chain-reading Bellend Times at 2am. Don't say we didn't warn you."
Why Buy Bellend Times Merch?
Every dollar you spend goes directly toward funding independent satirical journalism — the kind that asks the questions no one else is asking, then makes up the answers. Your purchase supports a team of highly unreliable reporters who refuse to let facts get in the way of a well-crafted headline. Think of it less as buying a t-shirt and more as investing in Australia's media future. A future where nobody takes anyone too seriously. You're welcome.
Funds The Nonsense
Every purchase keeps our editorial team in biscuits and moderately-priced coffee while they fabricate tomorrow's news.
Wearable Protest
Turn your body into a billboard for satire. Far cheaper than a newspaper column and significantly more fashionable.
Conversation Starter
Nothing sparks better conversations than a stranger asking "Wait, is that a real newspaper?" Spoiler: we're not.
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Email Your Order Now bellendtimes@bellendtimes.com.au