Albo shows Rare Fiscal Discipline After Learning Tax Dollars Can’t be used For His Wedding

CANBERRA — Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has reportedly delivered what could be the cheapest wedding in recorded history, coming in at a mere $84 — and all in the name of proving to his partner, Jodie, that he could stay within a budget. Guinness World Records officials are said to be “monitoring closely.”
Sources say the ceremony took place at the PM’s official residence, The Lodge, taxpayer-funded, with all the usual security still in place, paid for by… well, the taxpayer. The couple even had donated beer supplied by local legend Willie the Boatman.
In a display of true fiscal responsibility, Jodie was drafted to prepare egg and mayo sandwiches and the only other expense left for Albo to cover personally was a Coles sponge cake.
Guests described the affair as “intimate, cost-effective, and historically cheap,” with the only decorations being the Lodge’s existing furniture and one slightly sad potted plant from Bunnings, whilst PM’s alter ego “DJ Temu Trotsky” was streaming Joy Division.
Officials confirmed the total cost: $84, making it the most frugal wedding on record — although Treasury has quietly noted that security, venue, and beer donations technically push the true value higher.