CANBERRA — Labor has once again demonstrated why it is Australia’s great party of unity by agreeing to halve the refugee intake before doubling it again just hours later.

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese insisted the move wasn’t a backflip.

“I haven’t changed my position,” Albanese said. “I simply changed the position I hadn’t changed.”

Treasurer Jim Chalmers said Australians should “trust the maths”.

“It may look like we ended up with exactly the same number we started with,” Chalmers explained. “But we halved it first and then doubled it. That means we’ve appeased both sides.”

Sources say Chris Minns and Ben Carroll helped push for the number to be restored as Labor desperately searches for every skilled refugee labour voter it can get.

“Left and right are happy,” Chalmers said. “That’s what I call unity.”

By Bellend Times Editorial Desk

The Bellend Times Editorial Desk is the combined voice of Australia's most unreliable newsroom. Our reporters are entirely fictional. Our sources are made up. Our dedication to satire is very, very real.

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