Government Promises To Ban Vodka And Matches Following Antisemitic Firebombing
MELBOURNE — In a bold display of action, the federal government has promised to ban vodka, matches, limit guns, and…
Melbourne Man Defecates On his lawn To Convince Intruders A Dog Lives Here
MELBOURNE — With crime still running wild in Victoria despite relaxed bail laws, machete amnesty bins and endless government reassurance,…
Sydney Confident NYE Safe After Appointing Ahmed Al-Ahmed As Both Head And Backup Security
Sydney officials have confirmed New Year’s Eve will be “fully secure” after hiring Ahmed Al-Ahmed as both Head of Security…
Victoria Apologises For Past Immigration By Taking Current Levels To Record Highs
Victorian Premier Jacinta Allan has apologised in parliament for historical immigration policies — while overseeing record-breaking arrivals today.“We must say…
PM Avoids Injury After Homeless Man Mistakes His Chin for a Turkey
SYDNEY — Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has narrowly avoided injury after a homeless man allegedly mistook his chin for the…
Historic: ABC Completes Full Hour Of Honest Reporting Following On-Air Spray From Bondi Victim’s Daughter
In an unprecedented display of journalistic integrity, the ABC reportedly completed a full hour of honest reporting after the daughter…
PM Announces ‘Stronger Safeguards’ When Issuing Guns To Known ISIS-Linked Terrorists
Following the tragic Bondi shooting, Prime Minister Albanese announced today that the government will implement stronger safeguards when issuing guns…
Politicians Flood Social Media With Their “Comedy” Skits To Push Under-16s Offline
Australia’s new under-16 social media ban has barely begun, but politicians have already taken matters into their own hands—by flooding…
PM Vows To Crack Down On Labor Tax Spending As Soon As The $130M Direct Road To His Waterfront Mansion Is Complete
Prime Minister Temu Trotsky has promised to finally stop Labor’s tax waste — scheduled to begin once the $130 million…
Anika Wells Dodges Travel Expense Questions By Flying To Maldives For ‘Heaps Urgent’ Meeting
Communications Minister Anika (Skyworker) Wells has reportedly taken to the skies once again, this time jetting off to the Maldives…