ABC Hits Diversity Target After Appointing New LGBTQI+ Weatherman
SYDNEY — ABC has officially smashed its yearly diversity target after appointing a brand-new LGBTQI+ weatherman, who sources say “had…
PM Hints At Royal Commission U-Turn After Exhausting Few Days Shredding Documents
CANBERRA — Anthony Albanese may now be “open to conversations” about a federal royal commission into the Bondi terror attack…
Albanese Preps Underground Hideout After Trump Captures Far-Left Dictator
CANBERRA — Prime Minister Anthony Albanese is reportedly preparing a secret underground hideout after Donald Trump allegedly captured Venezuelan dictator…
Government Promises To Ban Vodka And Matches Following Antisemitic Firebombing
MELBOURNE — In a bold display of action, the federal government has promised to ban vodka, matches, limit guns, and…
Melbourne Man Defecates On his lawn To Convince Intruders A Dog Lives Here
MELBOURNE — With crime still running wild in Victoria despite relaxed bail laws, machete amnesty bins and endless government reassurance,…
Sydney Confident NYE Safe After Appointing Ahmed Al-Ahmed As Both Head And Backup Security
Sydney officials have confirmed New Year’s Eve will be “fully secure” after hiring Ahmed Al-Ahmed as both Head of Security…
Victoria Apologises For Past Immigration By Taking Current Levels To Record Highs
Victorian Premier Jacinta Allan has apologised in parliament for historical immigration policies — while overseeing record-breaking arrivals today.“We must say…
PM Avoids Injury After Homeless Man Mistakes His Chin for a Turkey
SYDNEY — Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has narrowly avoided injury after a homeless man allegedly mistook his chin for the…
Historic: ABC Completes Full Hour Of Honest Reporting Following On-Air Spray From Bondi Victim’s Daughter
In an unprecedented display of journalistic integrity, the ABC reportedly completed a full hour of honest reporting after the daughter…
PM Announces ‘Stronger Safeguards’ When Issuing Guns To Known ISIS-Linked Terrorists
Following the tragic Bondi shooting, Prime Minister Albanese announced today that the government will implement stronger safeguards when issuing guns…